After a freak accident, paramedic Cassandra Web (Dakota Johnson) realizes that she has the ability to see into the future. As she comes to understand that the lives of three young girls are now her responsibility, she slowly transitions into the superhero known as Madame Web.
Regarded by many as the worst superhero film of all time, Madame Web was the Sony Spider-Man Universe (SSMU) follow up to a truly horrific Morbius (a film that I said should only be viewed if you’re invested in Marvel superhero cinema). Surely this film couldn’t be as bad as its predecessor, but the world of both film critics and superhero fans claimed it to be on par with that super blunder. I cautiously entered the theater, prepared for a disappointing experience, and, while it wasn’t quite as bad as everyone said, there was a lot wrong with this film.
Clocking in at one hour and fifty-six minutes, Madame Web is the longest of the SSMU–but it certainly didn’t need to be. The pacing of this story is horrible, filled with empty space throughout the course of the narrative. Writers Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless, Claire Parker, S.J. Clarkson, and Kerem Sanga constructed a story with little substance, only enough to propel a film no more than an hour in length (if that). With too many cooks in the kitchen, Madame Web doesn’t ever find its footing in regard to the story. One might think that with so many hands in the pot that there might be too much content to fit into this film, but the opposite is true, presenting viewers with a series of empty and boring moments throughout.
The story is boring, and even though the characters have the potential to be enjoyable should there be future installments of Madame Web, their narratives leave a lot to the imagination (in the worst ways possible). The biggest issue I have with the film, however, is the editing. How the hell did this team manage to miss a series of rudimentary mistakes that are sure to ruin the film? Everything from transitions to audio not matching up with Tahar Rahim (Ezekiel Sims) mouth as he spoke plague this film in regard to the editing. I chalk this aspect of the film up to laziness, because, honestly, I can’t think of another reason why an entire production team can miss things so simple unless they just don’t care (or unless they just aren’t good filmmakers).
Let’s be honest, one of the primary reasons that people still showed up to theaters to watch Madame Web was the cast. Between Johnson, Sydney Sweeney (Julia Cornwall), Isabela Merced (Anya Corazon), and Celeste O’Connor (Mattie Franklin), there was someone for everyone. Even knowing that the experience would be less than ideal, people went to the theater to see a film full of attractive people–and, somehow, Sony and Writer-Director Clarkson managed to fuck that up, too. I’m not advocating for Clarkson over-sexualizing his female characters, but one has to think that he understands how bad his film is, and that in order for there to be somewhat of a decent reception, he needs to do something to appeal to his general audience. Again, he does next to nothing throughout Madame Web to reach his viewers, and the film fails as a result.
Johnson and Adam Scott (Ben Parker) are just charming enough to pull off the incredibly dry humor that exists throughout the course of the film–and, honestly, they are the reason that the film is able to find any level of success. Again and again I was reminded why the world has been so down on Madame Web. Whether it’s the dialogue, the score, the editing, or one of the hundreds of other things that ruin this film–this film truly fails to entertain beyond Johnson and Scott–and that’s a testament to them as actors. Madame Web certainly isn’t the worst superhero film that I’ve ever seen (you’ll just have to take my word for it), but it does rank among the bottom of the barrel. Madame Web is another example of a superhero property that only needs to be seen if you’ve invested time and effort into the greater Marvel universe.
Directed by S.J. Clarkson.
Written by Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless, Claire Parker, S.J. Clarkson, & Kerem Sanga.
Starring Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, etc.
⭐⭐⭐½/10 = WORTH THE RISK, BUT YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
